EXCESSIVE FAMILIARITY

Whether sending sms or with spoken words – it’s the same story. One must really be careful with the choice of words. If a simple punctuation could mean a thing, what more a hurting word. Then whether we’re making a conversation out of familiar ones or the ones in acquaintance, we must learn to bite our tongues. I am not saying it’s easy.

Do you agree with me? It’s easier to talk to or play around with people whom we are personally attached to.

It’s called too much familiarity. 

And so the susceptibility of being tactless is wide. That’s when we are tempted to act foolishly beyond the limit. People call it below the belt or foul words or simply offending.

We might not admit it, but it is true. We often find ourselves caught in tolerance pampering our sharp tongues, and then with lame excuses. That’s the influence of this excessive familiarity in us.

“We’re friends. He’ll understand.”  

What if he doesn’t? The next thing you knew he was already hurt enough. And with one tactless word a way, that person will burst in anger. You know what will happen next. No need further elaboration.

No one knows the heart of someone or how much patience one can give. If someone is really a friend, I think that person deserves soothing words. After all even the ones not considered friends must be treated the same way – why hurt a friend?  

Respect boundary and limitation!

“It was just a joke. I didn’t mean anything.” 

Good! 

But that doesn’t justify a wounded heart. Because each one is created unique and so one’s way of looking at the situation varies. Of course, no one can exactly predict how others interpret an action. Better safe than sorry. I rather assume that not every individual can truly discern a joke from what’s not. Remember that an intention will be understood clear only when a person tells (in many cases I know).

I don’t find telling joke as a mortal sin, but inappropriate joke is a different story. Many times we used jokes thinking to make someone laugh but it’s the other way around. For even familiar friend hurts or embarrassed.

Consider someone’s feeling always!

“I’m just trying to be honest with the way I feel.” 

So you have the right to say whatever you want. That’s how you feel. 

What about how others feel?

Even if we’re in the right position to do so, still we should not utter blunt words to people close to us. And even if we know someone from head to foot, we just do not say hurtful words for our own feeling.

Think of others as well!

“An open rebuke is better than hidden love.” But I don’t think this is how the verse implies. An open rebuke doesn’t mean to embarrass or to hurt or to provoke someone. Again this is just another lame excuse one could give. If one isn’t aware of too much familiarity (in spoken words especially), then that person is a foul-mouthed for sure.

Tame your tongue!

“That’s how we treat each other.” Two words – excessive familiarity!

Whether a tacky spoken word or an inappropriate joke or in a disrespectful manner, try to avoid all these things.  Reserve a boundary over familiarity.

Glimpse from a New Book - WHERE ANGELS TROD

“Biraddali, biraddali, biraddali!” the children yelled in awe. 

The noise was too loud that it woke me up from a long nap. They kept yelling until they persuaded the rest of the kids to see what it was. But it didn’t bother me for I’ve seen it countless times. Besides, I was too grown up to believe such thing. Sunset was on its way to close the day. So got no reason left to indulge the bed. I had to get up.

It has always been a typical summer afternoon except for one thing that arched across the sky – a colorful rainbow. We prefer to call it a biraddali back home. But it wasn’t for this beautiful creation alone that drove the kids to make noises. There’s something peculiar within the story itself.  Which simply the heart of an innocent child left amazed, wondered. And only one naïve kid would lend ears for the folklore. It is believed from where I lived that where rainbow’s end touches the waters, there some beautiful angels swimming. As I said, I was too grown up for that. No matter how different the story is from that other one – a pot of gold, both just didn’t make any sense. My time has finally come to look at the rainbow or an angel in different stances. 

So glad it came! 

Putting interest on angelology resulted an in-depth understanding more than just having fun. Yet it didn’t give anyone in my class some kind of assurance to meet one for real. I still haven’t seen an angel (as in the real one with wings or so) my entire life. But I do believe they exist in heaven and earth. This is just my stand – believe it or not. After all each one has different outlook on things. And each outlook deserves respect not necessarily agreeing.  

If it is not angelology, what is it with the title then? 

I’d like to stress that it isn’t another argument about the existence of an angel or its sexuality. Not my field of interest actually. And because I never had any encounters with literal angel one commonly thinks, the use of a word (an angel) here is only a figure of speech. As always, each story unveiled in every chapter is associated with this immortal. Now whatever meticulous inquiry you have concerning this being, this book isn’t going to provide an answer. But it will flabbergast you with moments the same way it did to me. If it doesn’t meet your expectation so far, I am offering you excellent choices – feel free to close the book or continue reading. It’s your call. 

Tread with me where angels trod. 

LEARNING AND RELEARNING

Life itself has a lot of things to learn from. It offers whoever lessons every single second without limits. All we have to do is learn or relearn. That is why learning is ageless. I had awesome experience from village excursions the last two years. But don't think I've absorbed them all. And so even new little thing captured was worth learning this time.








The past few days I was out in the net. The only mode one can reach me out is through a phone. I just could not wait to log in and show what I got. There I was tremendously enjoying life and what this seemingly familiar culture has to offer. Hoping to see anything new, my wish but was granted. Clicks from my camera were just endless.

Haven't I seen these stuff yet?

I actually have!

In fact I spent Khmer New Year last year at exactly the same villages. But sometimes you have to relearn things to appreciate life in better perspective. Also this reminds me again which those I took for granted the last time. After paying another glance, they turned in worth treasuring.






Learning?

Yes, I am.

Words in fact aren't enough to justify the truth. So let pictures help me express what I have seen for real. Relearning? So yes! I think it's important to relearn things to learn life. And I am always grateful for this twelve silent days from Facebook. It was one of the best times of my human existence.





My time at least at Alliance Graduate School was another unforgettable classroom venture. There I had awesome professors unlocked cultural issues my mind could not possibly imagine. But it wasn't enough. For we knew in time that theories or stories alone couldn't make our scholastic journey self-fulfilling. That is why life in field experience (LIFE) was conceived to complete the program. It was an eyeopening. More than just sitting at their feet in the name of academe, thank God they also emphasized something else. Happy to say, I am enjoying life in the field.

BLEND IN

 
"I wish I was taller. I wish I had fair skin. I wish I got long nose."

These are only few from my long lists. If one is true enough to admit, there maybe times we hated our imperfection. You should count me in! More than just valuing my outside look, I also have learned to love myself in and out regardless how others think of me. This is what self-acceptance all about.

It was in high school when I first heard the word blend. From a blend 45 coffee brand that was newly introduced in the community. But countless sips from this didn't explain a thing. I still don't get the point why such a product was named after a word. Lately, I started thinking about it and I came to grasp the concept behind.

The same thing with this brand, only in later years of my existence I fully understood the purpose of my physical feature. Insecurity and the lack of self-esteem were my teasers. When God's love filled my heart, my perception about the way I look has also changed. I am actually created unique for a reason - to blend in. I got it!



Cambridge Dictionary categorized blend in as a verb which means "to look or seem the same as surrounding people or things and therefore no be easily noticeable."  

And who am I to contest this definition? 

After all it is so true in my case, and in many instances.

When I lived in Saigon, the Vietnamese spoke to me in their own language. Thank God I learned such a tongue. Besides, I always got the impression being one of them. I don't mind. It's actually an honor.I blended in and it was for my own good. I can eat everywhere in the street without being ripped off so badly (let's say few cents). I can bargain in wet markets. No one bugged me as they do to white people. I can walk around even late at night because I look the same.

Moving to Cambodia was the same story. I blend in the more actually. I exactly got the same feature. If I don't speak in English no one can really tell. And when I began to utter words, that's when they are surprised. I can go to amusements without a ticket or with a local price. 

Off course, I don't want to take advantage and lie. I had once. I can ride a motodop not being cheated. I am a good bargainer, too. But blending in isn't enough, I have to speak Khmer too.

 

In Singapore Open Ultimate Frisbee Tournament, Malaysian delegates would speak to me in Bahasa. But I don't speak it, so I could not play around and just pretend that I am. I haven't been to Malaysia yet, for certain I'd blend in when I get there. Let see!

 

I traveled to Bangkok yearly, and so it was unavoidable that some people would always pissed off every time I speak in English to them. They think I pretend to be somebody else. I had no choice. I can't speak Thai. This is my only concern though, the rest (like safety or afraid of being fooled) I'm good. They are honest people. But if I decided to settle there, I could really blend in. I think it would be the same story moving to Laos or Burma or Indonesia or in Brunei. I'll blend in.

NOT MY FAVORITE DAY AGAIN

It isn't because today is my brother's birthday or the 9th of April. Maybe just a coincidence as many would think of it. If he had to make a party, I'd still don't want to kill that joy anyway. He would have my heart and full support on this. Thank God he is not around to feel bad. 

But today is today and I cant deny it. 

No offense!

For honesty sake, it's always the one I hate to think about. I guess this feeling is true to many volunteer workers in Cambodia as well. As much as I wanted to ignore this day, it's beyond my control. I had to put my shoes on, wear my jacket including helmet, and then ride a motorbike to the border. I needed a visa stamp in my passport.

I was already on a holiday since last weekend - enjoying the company of my kids; graciously feasting fully to the brim; adoring every scenery my eyes could see, but then I had to leave the place this morning unhappy. I knew it is going to be another uncomfortable detour.










 
So true. 

And who would be happy to wait for a bus in the middle of the road under the sun? 

No one for sure. 

It was another test of patience as the slowest bus in the world was finally coming to me after waited for two, long hours. I could not miss the bus so I had to watch for it carefully.

Who could stand another four-hour ride back and forth to the border? 

It's was a dilemma. 

If I had a choice, I'd choose the easiest one. But this one was the only thing I can afford. Then no matter how exhausted I was from the past rides since Friday, I cant resist to be in another long ride today -so tired to death.

Who could stand a long motorbike ride while the sun stings you hurtfully? 

I had to. 

This is when I had to comfort myself for having such agony. All I had to do was to wear a jacket and cap in the middle of summer. Forget about the long day.Who would not be paranoid of an accident every now and then? 

Only tough ones. 

But even then no one is insusceptible to danger - we are all. This is when my prayer is earnestly doubled or more. Then at the end of the day, no matter how terrible it was, we are still blessed to have His embrace and protection.



 
Not only a matter of favorite, it's totally a pain in the neck. A hassle one could not wait to end. Lucky you when you haven't been traveling lately. I actually did and that's my point. Yet today was another agony for a long journey. 

I've been riding motorbikes from morning until just a few minutes before dusk. Now I'm home and have posted something on Facebook: got home from a long and winding road just before dusk. Thank God for the traveling mercy. This will certainly remind of the struggle I had today. The situation I would not anticipate again.Before I left the place to the border, I was praying for the right officers. This would mean a smooth processing. But it didn't happen for I had the wrong ones. I got a stamp though. And it didn't change a thing - I'd still say not my favorite day again.

BAKHAWAN AND LANGARAY

They are no spells nor words to cast a spell. If your guess to these seemingly exotic terms but fruit, then that's the closest one to consider. Sad to say they are not! They're actually woods which only people down south or so are familiar with.

Bakhawan is bigger, stronger, and heavier while langaray is the total opposite. Yet both are important and inseparable in every built hut.

These woods in particular grow in delta. And are very useful in many ways. Aside from their common purpose building traditional houses, these can also be used in building fences, restrooms, cottages, and bathrooms. And oh, each is so perfect for fire woods - expensive for such a consumption though.

Why these stuff? 

It has been forgotten for many years. They're memories which left me no good marks but scars. So dumb of me to only think that. Maybe I was just consumed by the dark sides and bad things they offered. And now I am beginning to recall every wonderful thing it brought as well. Thanks to Boyet for bringing this thing in the open.

And why bakhawan and langaray? 

When I thought they were only bad dreams I had. Sort of stories not worth retelling. Seems like an old tale better to keep it untold. And I was proved wrong when a neighbor had me reminded the good sides. Again thanks to him!

Kids in the neighborhood had their unique ways earning little money. And one of those was peeling bakhawan and langaray woods. These stuff must be peeled clean to sell. So a lumberyard owner hired oldies and kiddies to do so. But I had my way. I actually preferred selling newspapers to every house or sell sodas at the bus station or ice candies under the sun. This was not my thing, but I had to in many instances.

Summer was actually the perfect time for this labor. That's when kids are gathered easily. If not, then any months of the year during weekends would do. "Blog, blog, blog!" The sound of an endless pounding. One must pound those woods before peeling them off. It would be easier.

"Ouch!" one would groan. But tough boys can stand the pain in silence, bleeding. 

"Ouch!" some would complain with gnashed teeth. They have sore hands after peeling a huge file.

Who would not have anyway? 

It was a hard labor after all. Yet it didn't make a lot of money. I have scars all over me. And so the others.

I hated this lifestyle. I'd rather stay home and do all the house chores. As always I'd choose tidying the house or fill the jars with waters or look for fire woods or clean our surrounding or cooking the whole week over this task. But my father was so persistent enough to drag my feet to work. I wish I wasn't around. That's when I became disobedient to him. I always had to defy him when it comes to doing this responsibility. Every time I saw a caravan coming loaded with bakhawan and langaray, it would turn my world upside-down. 

What a bad day!

Well, we owned the lumberyard. And I really didn't like my father's idea of a forced labor. Treating me and my brother as his servants was my greatest disappointment. We were too young to bear that job. And so I ran away.

I thought I would be growing up stuck in this pace. I always had the feeling of not being able to wait and just fly away and live my own. Sorry to say, it was one of the many reasons of a broken relationship with my father. I defied because I had my own dream - not peeling woods forever.

Luckily, we didn't keep this business for eternity. Whatever reason behind, I'd like to keep it myself unstirred. Let's keep it simple - maybe we aren't really destined to live this life for ages. I'll side with destiny.

Probably my neighbors or my childhood friends would not give their hearts for this. And I understand them for not agreeing. We may be sharing the same stories, but I do believe that each memory differs to everyone. And each response also varies on how one perceives life. But as I said, its only the other side -the bad one.

When a childhood friend mentioned one good thing about it, I was actually rebuked. In a wink of an eye, he became an instrument to teach me a lesson. And that golden lesson is - no matter how terrible past we had, we can still pick some good things about life. And I did - they were just overshadowed by awful ones for many years because of my unwillingness to admit.

Now I can tell the good side.

As far as I can remember, peeling bakhawan and langaray wasn't always fun without funny jokes told. Each one prepared one or two to share no matter how funny or corny it was. But then everybody was a captive listener ended up still bursting in laughter. That's where my collection of jokes taken from. It was a tiring labor indeed, but jokes helped soothe our tired bodies and sore hands. It's so wonderful to reminisce back those innocent laughter we all had.

Can you still hear it loud and clear? I do!

Of course, retelling a movie story was also inseparable. It was for the benefit of those who could not afford to watch. But our story teller was really good and so we enjoyed listening to the story. It was like seeing it for real. I think that's where I developed a story telling outside school.

Thanks to this life-experience!

Whenever we played antulihaw, these filed woods of bakhawan or langaray became our hiding places. Good for those who could not run - they had these woods a way to hide. It can protect them from those its for awhile.
My father built a huge bodega made of bakhawan and langaray- basically to store those woods. That's when no more single wood to peel. And so we gathered in during siestas to play tug; sometimes we played hide and seek. We just took advantage of time because soon it will never be the same again - when new school year starts. I think that's where we also developed our climbing skill and crafted our bogging.

We had fun!

That's also when we developed a friendship, and so started treasuring friends more than just neighbors.

I almost forgot how this bakhawan and langaray memories gave each kid excitements in fact. Again when a peeling stage was over, the ground then will be filled with the wood's peels. This softened the ground and it was great for kids to play around. We did all sort of crazy games not hurt. Thanks to the peels - it felt like having cushions around. That's how confident we were even if doing daring things. We had the softness of the ground now to enjoy.

To my mind, I thought this one will only be untold story. Thanks again to a friend (Boyet) who has awakened me from this. Your idea is so brilliant!I wish I could tell more but that's all I got.

I hope you enjoy reading!

BECAUSE ONE HAS IT

Singing and dancing were taboos at home. We didn’t really talk about these around the table. Anything that doesn’t bring food on the table is pointless. And so I grew up suppressing things I was good at. It wasn’t a priority to put care about.

Thanks to individuals who affirmed these gifts. I listened to them. If not for these caring people, I’d hide these gifts in a box forever. Then I would never have a chance to bless people with these God-given talents. 

I fought the good fight. I proved them wrong. But the most difficult part in making a decision which concerns an immediate family and relatives. They were my monsters themselves. 

Are you surprised to know? 

Fortunate enough I had people of good intention around who affirmed what I should do. I owe them this one!

The situation I was years ago taught me precious lessons in the end. I’ve come to know that I can actually be an instrument to encourage those who are in the same boat. I also want to help kids and youth achieve their dreams (in big and in small ways). It is one of my commitments for life.

Yes! I am aware hundred percent that I am not the only one in this situation. It would be a pleasure then to feature a teenager that is close to my heart. She is one of the kids I take care at the center.

This girl has been here for almost a year. My bad, I haven’t even noticed her gift (aside from her singing voice) until one told me. 

Wow! She can really design elegant gowns. 

That’s no question why she is so fashionable and expressive. I consider these characters as her strengths. In a world of fashion I think one must possess these attitudes to be able to capture clients or the fashionistas themselves. Just my assumption though.

It’s sad! She could not even finish high school – no not yet. But I am doing my best pushing her back to finish twelfth grade. 

It’s a different thing. It would be easier then to pursue her dream becoming a fashion designer.

Although her decision to stay at the center is no waste of time but I still want her to finish high school. She may learn a lot of stuff at the center that any public schools could not give, but it would be awesome to have both.

One day she told me about her aspiration. And so I encouraged her to keep doing what she is good at. Then she has to prioritize school if she wants a scholarship. On the one hand, she also must know that any scholarship is very competitive. And it takes hard work. I just hope she understands all these.

For now, I am giving all the help I can. I want to be at her side as an encourager affirming her special talent. I also promised to support her in whatever ways to hone her gift. It is for her and for her future. She just needed more hard knocks so she’ll stay focus in fulfilling that dream. 

She is careless at times - not taking care of every finished piece she designed. And so I provided her a pink folder to store her stuff temporarily. They are good works. Soon if I have some money, I will buy her the things she needed for this. That is part of pruning and affirming someone. You have to direct or even redirect one’s path to fully learn chase her dreams.

One day, I showed her my labor (a piece of design) basically to challenge her. It wasn’t that good for it’s not my forte. But that was to encourage and motivate the girl to work BIG. So glad she took that challenge. Since then I have seen one beautiful design after another.

I was amazed!

My wish for her is to become one of the great fashion designers in Cambodia.

And because one has it, and so it is worth affirming!