New Chapter

After three long weeks from hibernation (something like that but not in a shallow burrow), I think I’m now ready to flip another page of my life. Of course, I have been an open book to everyone here and so it is just very typical of me being transparent about my journey. One door had finally locked, a few other doors have opened but I could only choose one entrance. I got in this morning–a totally different arena from what I had previously–the exact kind of thing I want to do and a sort of place I want to spend for the rest of this year. It is too early to tell still, but I cannot wait to see how well it goes in the next few months. Oh, I can hear a voice from my subconscious saying: “Don’t worry your pretty little head. You’ll be fine.” I hope and pray!

   

My friends have already asked me some questions that I needed to answer. “Are you doing the same routine again?” his inquiring mind has just asked. “How is your new place compared to the last one?” another concerned friend was curious to know. “Do you find your new project very challenging?” my former co-teacher threw another question. Well, for as long as there is no snake creeps in and out of the bathroom or my bedroom or there is no burglar comes disturbing at night, then I am absolutely fine–these are my ultimate worries above all else. Thankful enough I will not be doing the same agonizing things. And this new place is far way better and comfortable than the old one. Lastly, work wise it isn’t challenging, but working with people who are not that opened for changes is a different story. For now, I am fine. This is the new chapter I am in.          

Prose

Coffee break. Gloomy afternoon. Humble abode. I posted on Facebook to describe one particular photo and also to narrow down my thoughts about my experience for the day. I went on with words I know nothing but prose-they are my own. “Never define a person’s life only what your visible eyes can see-that is subjectivity. You must use all the senses within you to attest to the truth instead.” I hope this would do.

Sometimes our days are wordless, and sometimes it is very prolific that requires patience to read it to understand. At times, it is similar to a prose that you only need to choose significant words to describe the circumstance directly. Like this one, I am using such literary genre to justify myself about my very situation at the moment and to correct the wrong perception of some people around me. Let these words do the work while I, hush up from this unnecessary judgment.    

Wandered Through The Discs

Immersed in Ultimate Frisbee World for a decade and three years is without a doubt one of the most significant milestones I am blessed with. If ever I wandered in Mars, I’d still find affecionados there and throw discs with them. Aside from God’s love and grace, nothing can separate me from this sport-not even famine or drought or war or busyness in life-it is part of me. I am not only happy as a clam, but forever grateful to my Creator for this blessing. I thank Thee for all these things.

When one thought all these photos have said it all, there are actually more things involve than meets the eye-whether or not it was a wonderful story to tell behind every journey-it didn’t matter anyway. Each experience had shaped my character inside out, it changed my perspective about other cultures, it helped me grow and thrive in sports. Above all this, it opened windows of opportunity to a person like me who was so desperate for breakaway. All I had to do was take that single step with faith in my heart. Glad I did!

Silent and Slip Away

I asked my foster son to describe in details this working place prior to my visit. Usually he is a gabber, but this time he jumped to conclusions. “You might not like it here” he told me in a soft voice. I believed him, but needed to see the school myself first before I second that notion. He was right. When I came here the first time, thought wouldn’t last even a week. It was a perfect idea to give them my words to serve this institution for only seven days. And days rolled by like eternal–so slowly like it razzed me in purpose. Well, I am no big loser you know, whatever commitment I made, it is surely done. Look, I even did beyond that pledge–a total of seventeen weeks to be exact.

There is no perfect school or organization in this wild world–not that I know of. One would always find fault, discomfort, and reasons to quit or reasons to fire someone. That is because life is never lily-white. I’ve got a hundred or so to justify myself and whine about my situation, but it won’t help a thing. It doesn’t change a decision made. In my case, I resigned but I am sticking to my promise not to tell a soul. At the end of that journey, I am still grateful for every wonderful experience I had. Never mind about those odious ones, I have learned to let go and move on. I may sound so loud in here, but not in this village. What benefits I'd get from telling people? I will slip away tomorrow and silent about this scenario for as long as I can hold my feelings.   

   

The First Two Shades of June

“It’s finally the month of June.” I could hear the audible sound of joy even in my heart of hearts. “But so what!?” my truculent brain is in fulmination–in protest like it has never been. Yesterday we still worked hard as if it wasn’t a declared holiday. Such a crying shame!  And oh, before I forgot, today is actually my last hours teaching at this particular school. I have said it here once not so long ago, and I am saying it again…it is not a happy Friday to anticipate. I think have been vocal about this in the past that it isn’t the right place for me to last long. After all, I am here for a short term project. As sure as eggs is eggs, I’ve done enough–more than enough indeed.

It is both bad and good goodbyes. My health and patience are my main concerns this time. I can’t stand teaching more hours in the future any longer. And also, I got no patience with unbearable kids. I was for countless times, but those were gone with the wind. Their screeches annoy me a lot these days. Hmm, what about Andropause? It was the first word in my mind, but I think am still too young to have any of its symptoms. What else? Ah, and many more reasons wish I could tell, but whatever those awful circumstances were, I’ll just leave them here. So what good about this goodbye? Resting and de-stressing are in my top to-do-things. I pray in this isolation I will find strength and peace. Above all this, I will discover answers to my deep need–it is another soul searching only the grace of God can satisfy.

P.S. I am writing this sentiment while waiting for my students for my last two classes tonight. That is exactly in less than an hour.      

Smorgasbord May

Even at the remaining hours last night trying to catch some shuteye, I couldn’t bottle up my excitement about the coming of a new dawn–today. Sorry, I was never a fan of the fifth month including those in the past years. It felt like each moment was like forever. As soon as the sun rose this morning, I got my brain in gear for words to say. Now my status on social media has it all. The thought expressed wasn’t that all prolific though, but sure enough my friends can tell how this month in particular had worn me out. Sixteen posts, countless challenges, silent cries, visa agonies, and all the hassles along the way to mind–not one of them is left unnoticed. I said them all last month, but it doesn’t make me less grateful about everyday’s life.

If those experiences are paralleled to food, they were undeniably heavy smorgasbords. They all came in various forms–so overwhelming that it gripped my energy until I almost dropped, restless and weary. There were bittersweet moments moved back and forth in a regular rhythm in a span of thirty days. All I had to do was survive. My emotions were in full swing–with ups and downs that confused my soul in the process. I had to ignore them anyway. And then some kind of life spiced up with endless unpredictability, like intoxicated drugs which left me blown away in agony for ages. I was grumbling to death. What a month and such a mélange of life to endure!