Someone's Domicile-Not Mine

 

Grace brought me here in someone's domicile and mercy followed me at the same time.

I was trying to settle down in this familiar land (once wasn't) although it has never been that accommodating to many, but so persistent enough like I always was. I assumed you are already aware about what had happened from reading my previous posts. To cut to the chase, the promised job didn't work out.

When you are in a hostile land, trying to live on your own, you should be grateful for every goodhearted person that comes your way–my kind host is an evident to this scenario. And they deserve plaudits.

This country seems too much to bear anymore. It is so sad that I'm feeling it this way recently. True enough got a deeper reason why my emotional stability is getting low–and now so low.

Not my character really who quits easily–I was never a quitter despite obstacles–I just did unfortunately.

The load is very heavy and I don't see any silver linings yet. And for every prayer is a hope against hope. It is not happening. Perhaps I don't belong here which I have tried to fit in and adjust a million times.

“Head over heels” was the perfect description about my love for this country. I hate to say this, but I am no longer in love like I used to–the more I stay here, the more it's becoming complicated.

At least my host was always there to show the different sides of this territory–in my lonesomeness the past few weeks–when life here wasn't that pleasant as before. Because of them I was able to stay for a month. Heaps of thanks!

What a bitter-sweet life to start the year it was! And all I have to do now is to move on and keep looking for the right place–not necessarily a greener pasture.

I'm no longer impressed like I used to behold this country, but I am so thankful for some people who tried to help me feel at home. Although it will never be a home. It is someone's domicile–not mine. 

The Host

The Dorm

 

 

No, not the school dorm, it is but a refuge only tourists are familiar with or tough ones would enjoy. My guess is that the idea of this business is taken from that perhaps since everything is almost similar. If you haven't been backpacking or don't have a know-how what it is like, then please do google.

In Singapore it is called a hostel where tourists are host in one big room–a bed spacer and so uncomfortable for people who isn't used to this kind of environment. It is not even a cheap accommodation in that country. Ten years ago it was already twenty dollars per person, a day.

This is my temporary home for now. I am not really a fan of this living quarters except when I'm in a budget tight. One good reason for people to like it is the joy of meeting people from different parts of the world. Half true, half not–at least for me. There are many ways and places to meet new folks. This is just one of them.

Of course, I am no stranger to this traveling lifestyle because I had done it years ago and I've been living in the same dorm here in Laos since last year–my third this time. I prefer cheap rooms still.

I can tell lots of advantages and disadvantages there are staying at the dorm, but I am not going to do that. For sure not all my friends can stay in such a place unless he or she is driven by a no-choice-circumstance.

Not to sweet-lemon the scenario, but if I'm only financially able in my transition period here in Laos, I'd still want to live in a cheap room alone-that is way better. I think when you get old your preference also changes. But having a privacy whether in traveling or settling is one big factor.

Also it is not that I'm ungrateful for this provision right now, I just feel that staying here too long is very uncomfortable. I have been living here these days for a month now. If not for this part time job, I won't be here up to a certain moment. I may be friendly and active, but I need a quiet time alone for my own personal agenda. And this is not the right place for such desire.

This is my non-permanent work of place at the present–granted by grace–and also only for those who are willing to learn and adopt something.You don't find it easily that a family or a host to give you a special treatment. It is grace indeed.

Do I like it here? Yes and No!

Staying in this dorm gave me opportunity to meet new, good friends which I would not have had met if I've stayed somewhere else. That is only one of the things. Not to mention all the other good memories had happened right here.

It is a no because I don't like the other insensitive tourists who couldn't differentiate between cultural sensitivity and cultural identity. And many more which I just like to keep them myself.

Dorm is dorm and it is someone's choice to take a pleasure or not. But it feels so glad that I am part of this domicile obviously not my own. 

A Long-time Wish

 

A dishwasher, a receptionist, a server, a cleaner, a translator–all these in the name of service. I asked for this day like countless times. A routine when you don't have to worry about lesson planning each moment of your life.

This is it. And it has been happening for almost a month now. I do like it in fact even though it is physically tiring. I just think of it as an exercise. After all I am not new to these kind of works. I wished for this time to arrive.

I have been teaching for more than two decades–twenty-three years to number, and what this life has offered for the meantime I'd say is a break from intellectual stuff–no books–nothing but blue-collar jobs.

Please do not get me wrong, I'm not really grumbling–not at all! I'm extremely happy. I am also learning a lot from this experience such as patience, humility and endurance–all of these for the sake of paradigm shift. It's not easy though.

One might see it an easy task, but boy, dealing with customers from all walks of life needs patience. And also if one is slow and weak, I don't think he would survive the work load. And in my case, it takes to swallow my pride to adopt this environment. This is not my expertise. I am by virtue and orientation an educator (with a doctorate degree).

But as I said, I asked for it over and over and over again. So no worries or no offense–just blogging my mind.

"Be careful what you wish for." It's no regret although my pride and strength are in protest. For as long as my mind and heart are at eased, then I am so fine enjoying my place every single day.

If this wish was a nightmare, I don't mind not waking up or having this situation for a while or a bit longer. I am liking it–so far, so good.

From this desire, I realized that humans have our own respective places–where each person belongs–it is not about luck or misfortune or a position or a degree–but the things we love and good at. It just happened that my line is educating, but it is no different from others. We all need to live and work or work to live.

How long will I be doing this? Maybe for a month or so. Let us see what this life has in stored. I don't mind. For now, I am living my long time-wish and enjoying it. But I also believe that once an educator is always an educator. I just need a space from this career.

Break a leg!

Losers

 

As much as possible, I want to drive this sarcasm away from me-but not when you are dealing with pathetic ones. I know it is too early still this year to mind such a mess (messes I mean), and so I gave in to give these people a taste of their own medicine. I had to and had enough of them.

I wasn't happy about it, and had been exchanging awful emails with these losers-no regret anyway-it was in the name of wake up call. They had to deal with it. After all they deserved getting bad mails from anyone for being unprofessional-consumed with bad habits corresponding to a client.

What do you expect? They left me hanging for the third time with their lousy communication and bizarre operation-who cant tell apart professionalism from not. None in my entire existence have I encountered people like these-who are good at lame excuses and then act like they do their responsibilities well. It is the first in twenty-three years.

They behave like they got some powers in their hands-a headteacher and the president of a seemingly known foundation-who are proud Westerners, and yet consumed by their lack of knowledge about their positions-they are but pretentious men of the world.

Shame on them!

I gave my solid words for three times-a trust I wish didn't give; they gave me hell in return. I don't usually go out on a limb for this kind of people, but I just did. It's too late to regret.

See, I can't even tell you the whole detail because I am not really that kind of person who likes to expose things out. I can't even name names and I don't think it's necessary. All my whining here is just out of frustration-a place where I can always pour out my sentiments-that is all.

They wasted my time, my money, and my effort for their negligence and indifference. That is how an incompetent worker does in this industry I suppose. That is why things happened this way. I am so flabbergasted and blown away by their arrogance.

Now I wonder how people like them exist or remain in this arena. It gives me chill. Actually, I am not interested writing such story-it's not worth a waste, but this helps me get over it perhaps.

"If you can't do your job well, drop it or learn humbly how to!” I was told. This I remind myself every single day not to neglect anyone or put someone on edge for totally nothing.

Good luck anyway! 

My Year Of New

The anticipation of another year was there even at the last ten seconds of our final countdown–when hearts were occupied with endless query–hushed by grace–only by grace.

I knew had to let go 2015 and welcome 2016 despite my worries and fears. It doesn’t take booms or bangs of fireworks to remind me that. After all I am not a big reveller of firecrackers or poppers or sparklers.

As soon as the awaited year has stepped in, I was drawn back a bit by the reality. Perhaps I was overwhelmed how massive life will become in just a few days. I have to live somewhere outside my domicile again and then embrace a life of a stranger.    

What a bizarre feeling to start the year–flinched by the pain of unknowns–a fresh beginning that requires mercy and wisdom to behold, to grasp, and to endure. I hope you don’t feel the same way. If you do, then you are just honest enough to admit your weakness and fragility–what a human being is–at least.    

Unlike my previous theme, this time it has no overriding purpose or goal–random, and random, but random. And oh, my apology for the colors I have chosen for my blog. It is not my intention to flinch you.

My title it isn’t that very catchy sad to say, but I’m so positive about it. This year hopefully will give me extraordinary things, and will bring me wonderful moments, and it will lead me to amazing places like in those days of yore and the year that passed.

Let me wrap up my thoughts for this:

It is anything compelled by the abundance of things in the world including bits and pieces to cherish.

And it is anytime when time knows no end to notice–from dusk to dawn.

As well as anywhere where space has no limit–not even sky.

Flinched but it will be another good year still to begin or continue if you prefer. And it is my year of new–new passport, new embassy card, new job, new place of work, new family, new direction, and new blog’s concept–everything is but new.

Happy New Year Everyone!