A Stranger

Isn’t it something of an oddity to say that I’m like a creature from outer space? And how can it be that a citizen in his homeland would look at himself as a Martian? For once in my life I was, and that same feeling is coming back again. I owe you an explanation if my mind is running wild again this time – I know.

Like many others of the same side, I extremely believe that people who live in a foreign land get culture shocks or become disoriented from time to time but not in their own homes – or else it’s a different story. I hope this statement rings true.

Maybe it’s just me, but I had this experience in the past – the once – one undeniable reality I didn’t expect and never want to happen again. Voila! It’s occurring to me now.

 

When I went home years ago, I didn’t like what I saw. Except for familiar faces of friends and relatives in the community, I couldn’t recognize everyone in town. The rest were just total strangers to me and so I was to them. I could see how nomads outnumber the original dwellers. I hope I was wrong.

Everyday during my holiday was just weird – the feeling as a tourist in another country and by being home had no distinction at all. I had to adjust a lot of times with the lifestyle and it was like doing it from the scratch, like living in an unfamiliar kingdom.

As always, it’s so fascinating to see the changes around the world that are happening at too fast a pace because of civilization and complex technology, and my hometown is no exclusion to these effects but I don’t understand the feeling of isolation and crankiness whenever I’m home.

I was caught surprised.   

Visiting a church I grew up going was a good example to this bizarreness aside from those unspoken scenarios. I had to be accompanied by a security guard and an elder to see the pastor I know and who knows me too. Whatever good reasons I had, and regardless of my belongingness to this church, they didn’t matter this time. I had to make an appointment like any strangers visiting.

Wasn’t it madness?

How can I not feel this way?

There are a lot of things that bother me flying home – war, bad weather, and other natural calamities, and yet the most destructing is having the feeling of remoteness and alienation. This is how I feel and it kills my excitement going home – how weird!

Have posted my confession about it on Facebook this week; to restate, I said “The warrior is a child – this is how I am today – attacked by anxiousness. I should be happy going home for the first time in years, but my mind is getting wild thinking a lot of cares. I feel like a stranger in my own land, but then I realized if God was with me in these foreign lands, He will meet me in the Philippines and will find grace for sure.”

I hope I’ll enjoy my furlough this time. Wish me joy and happiness because I don’t want to be a stranger!