Bittersweet Goodbyes

Last night, two of my advanced students asked to leave the center. We were already expecting it in few weeks’ time, but not that soon.

“Here we go again” I said in silence.

And oh, why I couldn’t say YES or NO easily?

Because I wanted them to learn English continually until they have enough or wanted them to make good friends inside this campus who are good influence for them or wanted them to deepen their brother-sister relationship among the students or wanted them to join every fun under the sun or wanted them to meet a lot of foreigners so they can practice their speaking skill or simply wanted them to stay as a family.

It was more than that to be honest – I’m actually worried for them staying in Pagoda having no food to eat or a place to sleep. My worst fear is that, they’re still vulnerable from the influences of bad students outside this home.  

And so it was a big NO!

But then, I understand. Their parents needed them this time – to help harvest rice, and help plow the fields for another planting season. They got a lot of errands to do back home.

But then, I realized something. It’s time for them to soar in their own – to fly against all odds, to become responsible adults, to stay braved amidst trials and awful circumstances. Above all to become honest persons with or without me eyes watching intently.    

So... that’s a YES!

Our life here at the center is full of goodbyes – good and bad. Children come, and children go! Strongly, God has taught me to get accustomed with this bittersweet life every now and then.

Goodbyes are always bittersweet.

We cry over it whether tears of joy or true sadness. After all, life is filled with these things. We just have to deal with it time after time.

We let go people or loved ones or friends for the better and the irony. But it doesn’t mean the end of life or the ceasing of time. It’s just a goodbye.  

We can’t move on without goodbyes, but it doesn’t mean wrong – for in time it brings healing, success, thriving, growing, learning, and every beautiful thing in the name of this seemingly lonely word.  

On the one hand, it’s no difference for us here – goodbye is a goodbye.

After few students left last month due to sickness, another one left last week because of financial disability.

Today, two of whom I admired most left a goodbye – but for the good thing, and for their own good.

Few weeks from now, more than sixty of these kids will bid goodbye as well - it is not a sad thing though- it is in fact a true mark of accomplishment. But can’t deny the truth that I'll be missing them so much.

Three months seems not enough, but they have grown to learn and relearn life to the brightest. They have given equal opportunity. They are treated well with dignity. They are loved. They are cared.

So goodbye is just a goodbye for whatever reason there is; one of those bittersweets. And it is never so easy to face for mentors or parents like us.