Wrong Pathway

“Seriously!? So been in this state of affairs and I’m not going to put this yoke over my neck and shoulders ever again.” I jogged my memory like every single day. That was prior to a persistent dilemma which tried to get me. And before I knew it, was already tempted and almost gave in. 

I packed my stuff and pretended that everything would be alright. And it didn’t change a thing. My partial decision haunted me for many nights and days. And so I prayed my earnest and hardest for peace and joy in a hope that my feeling would change. Again, it didn’t happen. 

For almost two months, my situation stressed me out. Unhappiness pricked me emotionally even with this tiny response working in another city and yet doing the same thing. And when my sanity came flooding back just few nights ago, I realized how this direction was so not worth striding. 

It wasn’t for me–it’s the wrong pathway.

Enough is enough and I had to end my agony up. I rose from my bed one hour before midnight and sent an email to the people concerned before another sleepless night would disrupt me. I was at peace for the first time in one thousand four hundred-forty hours.

Of course, I’m no illogical. Although I knew it was going to be a crazy ride, and yet gave myself and others a chance (not a false hope though). That’s why I thought carefully about it that long, evaluated the many pros and cons, sought counsel and wisdom from others, and with ardent prayers. Sure enough, I wasn’t the right person they needed but someone else.

Honestly, it would be a lie if I’d say got no sentiments for uttering such final verdict–this ostensibly difficult word NO–I had a lot. And like those charge-to-experience-scenarios in the past, this time is another one to learn and let go. What I am happy about I stood my ground. This soppy smile and upset feeling will all go so soon eventually.

Until now haven’t gotten over with this “if only…” stages yet because even with our last correspondence I was not really treated well or fair enough or with dignity I deserve. And how will they expect me to work for them or with them? It could have changed my unwanted desire to take this same job even if I am sick of it, perhaps.

It’s just the wrong path to take–again it’s not for me. God’s courage and strength have brought me to this conclusion. And I don’t care who is agreeing or disagreeing with me. It’s my life and my calling. I am happy even if I am still jobless. I’ll find the right one soon and will continue to do so. 

No matter how desperate one is for a job, but if he isn’t treated well the way he should be, then he isn’t happy. And it’s not worth riding a trip. It’s like he is treading a path that came to a dead-end or a path along the top of a rugged cliffs where danger awaits. Happiness should be dual.