Dancing With An Angel

So I dance like the rain on the roof,

Tell my soul that my spirit’s on the loose;

Don’t know if anyone will understand,

Feels like an angel’s got a hold of my hand,

So I dance, I dance, I dance, I dance.

-Lenny LeBlanc, I Dance-

 

And so I danced tonight like I never had in forever.  

In fact, the last time I heard this beautiful song was eleven years ago when life was too harsh to bear during my first few weeks in Saigon. Loneliness and discouragement were in incessant nark. It comforted me. That’s why I am still here.

For a week or so I played the same song. I listened to it until it soothed my soul enough.

Now I am reminded once more after a long while–for a reason–it didn’t matter whether my story this time is different from the past or not. I had to dance. More than just a wave of nostalgia, the melody and the lyrics are in unison still and again to define joy in this disheartening moment of mine.

Then I danced this evening and sing along with an angel like nothing happened, but hours before this was a depressing picture.

One conversation this morning has ruined my entire day, which knocked the stuffing out of me and also left me in desolation. Wish I didn’t open up my heart to a stranger just like that–never again–it was another lesson learned. So shameful for what I had done, but God knows it wasn’t for my own interest. No, it was not.

If only time stood still, I would take my words back like they were never said or written. And if only words were like water guns, they wouldn’t hurt me that bad in a way being described as distrustful. That word stung me and my soul.

My greatest mistake perhaps I was slaphappy enough telling my own stories and cares. I didn’t really think about the outcome. When I thought it would encourage someone and others–it was an out-an-out irony of it all.

And this made me so downcast for twelve hours. 

So I locked myself in the room and dwelt on the situation. I don’t know but it seemed that this non-life-threatening scenario made me sick as I thought about it over and over. I felt like there was a cloud hanging over me and on the horizon. It wasn’t about pride for sure but the haunt of shame and regret.   

Four words to describe my day–shameful, regretful, downcast, but there was dancing in the end. Thank God for using this song to uplift me from the embarrassment and pain. Grateful there are angels in the world who write songs to cheer up the weary.