Not Flying Home Again

My life is not a typical one compared to others where I am from–very family-oriented individuals. I envy how they are so attached to their families while I’m so detached for a longer time. I am used to it perhaps (got used to it actually), but for every excuse there was for sure logical and acceptable. I had to leave home and live faraway.

  

The calling I chose is the greatest factor. And as a volunteer worker or a cross-cultural educator, I had to move into different places. I will be moving out to a new city again soon. Honestly, the dwelling I’m at presently is not the only territory I’ve worked and lived all these years, but one of the many in fact. Then blame it to my new job if my desire to fly home has gone pear-shaped.

The number of years I am away and an end to end distance that bars me apart feels like have so many things to catch up and patch up. And so it always excites me to go home and journey with angels I left behind for a long, long while. Yet plans have been filed up undone which isolate me all the more.

Now it’s another important trip to set aside because I am caught without a choice. 

It’s another opportunity to miss because it’s always a joy to see my family.

And it’s another chance to waste because you’ll never know when it’ll come again. 

These are just some of the dilemmas, but I have other reasons in my mind. And no matter how exciting the trip is, it’s disappointing because I don’t feel welcomed. My reason for flying this time is to meet family I haven’t visited in ages, but they aren’t that eager to have me. I hope it’s just a feeling. That’s one.

    

It’s easy to write some wonderful bucket lists, but things don’t always work smooth as expected. I’m no well-off person or born with an ATM card, and so every cent spent was all thought out. It means just couldn’t fly home anytime I wanted to. And I never go home empty handed–because it’s a culture. That’s another one to care.

Going home isn’t just as easy as eating peanuts–it stresses me out, but home is where you belong. That’s why I am also saddened not making it this time as planned–there is always next time of course.

Well, I can talk the whole day about hurdles including snags, but the rest I will keep it to myself–I have said enough for now.