End of the Road

 

 

Just this particular ride, of course–a week more to endure, and then that’s it. I am so ready to begin a single step from here even if it will take risk to do so–whatever will be, will be. 

Imagine yourself doing the same thing for twenty three years, whatever it is–that’s the same feeling I am struggling with right now. I have written thousand words and countless phrases to express this sentiment, and it will take more if I don’t decide now. 

Let me say this again, “I’m done”, but not in a bitter way because I’ve grown a lot from this long journey. This life which I’ve followed shaped me who I am they see and know today. There’s no regret. This is no mistake.

Sad to say, it’s the end of the road, but happy to say it’s the beginning of a new one–regardless if it’s uncertain still. I am hopeful that my prayer and perseverance will bring me somewhere–to a wonderful place I deserve.

Only the beginning of the year, and I’m already facing a Goliath. Well, a time is just a time; things can happen at anytime of the day. “There is one day in your life!”  Yes, indeed. And I heard people said it in several instances, and mine has come to pass now.  

For sure, there are so many things to let go–soon they will become good memories to cherish and so bad ones to leave behind. But a slice of both had contributed to my milestones in this very extensive voyage.  

This is where I met true friends so that I could tell somebody apart from who is not.

This is where I experienced grace after grace so that I could appreciate emptiness at the end of the day.

This is where I fully understood the meaning of fulfillment so that I could tell between successes and selfish ambitions.

This is where I learned bulk and bulk of cultural stuff that I could distinguish my thinking and others, their beliefs and mine, my perspective of things and aren’t my own–only respect and love could settle them down.   

Right in this journey that is about to come to an end–when earnest prayers are much needed; when yeses to a decision are relentless; when hope after hope is uttered loudly–it’s the end of the road for me as an English teacher. 

 

 

LOST & FOUND

Many times we had the joy and the strength to live; at times sorrow and helplessness got in the way–because life is an endless cycle–who knows what tomorrow brings. No one actually!

My story today is no atypical. You might have heard it somewhere or had experienced the same scenario before. It’s about keeping my wish alive for many years. And it’s no quirk of fate or some kind of hope springs eternal–I knew it will happen.  

When my older brother passed away in a tragic, heartbreaking death, we decided to move on and gave the final decision to our sister-in-law to seek justice. For three reasons: she knew what happened; we were thousand miles apart; we were no domiciles of the city. 

We were glad she did as she said.

We mourned and paid him respect year after year. And before we knew it, we’ve lost contact with her (my sister-in-law) and my two nephews. It had been fourteen years. We had tried for many times, in many ways to locate them, but we couldn’t. 

It hurts me so much because I had not seen my brother in years before his death, then forever. Now I couldn’t get in touch with my dear nephews. It took ceaseless prayers, endless searching, daily longing and wondering, and hopeful waiting–this long.

Last Sunday evening, the wait was over. Seeing their photos on Facebook almost killed me. I was joyful and tearful at the same time. “This is it, finally!”  I told myself. 

I have been chatting with my beloved nephews, and have been talking to them on the phone for few days now. “I am going to see you so soon!” I told them. I can’t wait to hug my lost and found angels. I don’t want to let them go away again. NO WAY!  

We had lost important things, and it was OK, but it’s a different feeling when we lost people who are dear to us–temporarily or for ages. Like those who hope, I hoped too for this day to come. Just keep believing even if it’s hope against hope. 

Life isn’t always on our side, it is harsh every so often, but what we got bad or not, we must learn to accept them. I know it seems easier said than done, but trust me, good things happen to those who believe, and those who wait. 

Thank you, dear God!

They were only toddlers the last time I saw them. Look at them now.

No Journey, No Angel

 

One thing I failed to criticize while conceptualizing this year’s theme was the “silent day” scenario–an inactive style of life–when I didn’t have to do anything or travel somewhere. I detest such time and being a couch potato. And it just happened this weekend.

What I envisaged in the process of this creative work was an on-the-go encounter with a philanthropist or a traveler or someone in disguise or a pious hope of literal angel–an endless action-packed story–action, action, and action. I was on cloud nine perhaps.

Now I have to reconsider each possibility and get real about it. Life isn’t always as beautiful or as colorful as an adventure. We knew it. It could be a rollercoaster ride or a topsy-turvy one before our very eyes–if not it could be sadder than a typical day–as if angels were taking a break.  

It’s good to notice this early or else I won’t be able to get the picture that angels can actually fly–I don’t need to find them every time. They come to you in different forms or when we least expected it–in good or bad times. Like the story of a tiny tot I blogged last week and another angel of mine who came last weekend. 

Did I just say “another angel of mine”? I think I did. It’s like I know a myriad of this creature, eh. But of course, he’s an angel of mine. And it’s my pleasure mentioning him again this second chance. He is one of the adopted children I got in this wide world.

He came to see me yesterday. It was a plan. I had to cancel my pickup game (Ultimate Frisbee) in the city and a friend’s date to check how he was. You know a father instinct? He got sick actually and so I had to send him back home to rest.   

He made my day though–my boring weekend so to speak.

If you followed my blog last year, you could have read my article about him. Anyway, this angel of mine is an orphan. And it always breaks my heart seeing him. But at least I am here for him as his foster father–it doesn’t matter if it’s legal or not or if we’re no biologically related. It’s not an issue I bother.

See? Angels come and angels go even in a seemingly static life. When I thought my weekend would be a “no journey, no angel” status, there my son and shattered that quietness.

P.S. I’m not thankful because he came to see me, it’s because he’s my angel and it’s my joy to serve him and care for him and love him like my own dearest son.