Prayer and Paranoia

Coming here in Saigon today isn’t about seeking political asylum, but a precautionary measure in case worst scenario arises. Heaven forbid! After all, I’m not a citizen of Cambodia, and it’s about safety first. My heart is in earnest prayer for a peaceful election.

Forgive me because I really can’t help it. My thought is preoccupied with so many things as I crossed the border this morning. What if? And many more “what ifs” I could imagine. I understand that these are just illogical feelings or unreasonable beliefs called paranoia.

I’ve been restless the past few days thinking about this unpredictable political scenario. One big reason is my love for this country and the people. I apologize if my head is running wild this time. But it’s not a mortal sin to worry about dangers, is it?

But even then, expatriates have different reactions and outlooks on the situation at hand – some take it seriously while others take the opposite stand. In spite of warnings from respective embassies about the possible political unrest during or after the election, not everyone buys the idea. I just hope it won’t lead to full-scale civil war as worried minds think. God forbid!

On my way to the bus station, I got stuck in traffic for twenty minutes due to motorcade election campaign. From the city to the border, all but parades in white shirts, endless sound of election jingles, and hopeful shouts of victory. There my mind went wild again thinking of others who are left behind. I felt uneasy and unhappy all the more – it was just paranoia for sure.

I could have entitled this article a “political paranoia” alone, but it involved prayer to understand this seemingly normal scene – when you don’t really get or hear the truth. As I said, I’m no voter and so leave it to the right people. It’s not my business to mind. Yet, my spirit is in constant prayer for a fruitful election.  

Paranoia or overreaction or anxiety or fear, still won’t make this story complete because it took prayer more than just wishful thinking to battle a heavy heart – when worries never end – and all I could do is stay safe and pray.

Am I safer now that I am out of the country?

For one obvious circumstance maybe and yet I also believe that aside from war anyone could also die even from sleeping. This is not about my own death which worries me for it never chills me to the bone, but it’s about people killing people unnecessarily in greed for power or in pursuit of peace for all. 

I could have stayed as much as I preferred to but have to listen to what my heart says this time. Sorry, I don’t have a super freak faith like others who are too much ego about it, and so I listened to reasonable advices from logical people. There is no harm in being alert or being safe anyway. Let these super holy people ridicule my weak faith for as long as they want to. I don’t mind.

My joy is overwhelming for those who are fearless to exercise their rights to votes. Meanwhile, I pray for peaceful and non-violent election to happen whether both oppositions win or loose.

If I sounded silly in a wild way or if this is just paranoia, hope I won’t end up in a lunatic asylum. But then it will take sincere prayers to understand everything – in this obscure situation – when only God knows and in control.