BAKHAWAN AND LANGARAY

They are no spells nor words to cast a spell. If your guess to these seemingly exotic terms but fruit, then that's the closest one to consider. Sad to say they are not! They're actually woods which only people down south or so are familiar with.

Bakhawan is bigger, stronger, and heavier while langaray is the total opposite. Yet both are important and inseparable in every built hut.

These woods in particular grow in delta. And are very useful in many ways. Aside from their common purpose building traditional houses, these can also be used in building fences, restrooms, cottages, and bathrooms. And oh, each is so perfect for fire woods - expensive for such a consumption though.

Why these stuff? 

It has been forgotten for many years. They're memories which left me no good marks but scars. So dumb of me to only think that. Maybe I was just consumed by the dark sides and bad things they offered. And now I am beginning to recall every wonderful thing it brought as well. Thanks to Boyet for bringing this thing in the open.

And why bakhawan and langaray? 

When I thought they were only bad dreams I had. Sort of stories not worth retelling. Seems like an old tale better to keep it untold. And I was proved wrong when a neighbor had me reminded the good sides. Again thanks to him!

Kids in the neighborhood had their unique ways earning little money. And one of those was peeling bakhawan and langaray woods. These stuff must be peeled clean to sell. So a lumberyard owner hired oldies and kiddies to do so. But I had my way. I actually preferred selling newspapers to every house or sell sodas at the bus station or ice candies under the sun. This was not my thing, but I had to in many instances.

Summer was actually the perfect time for this labor. That's when kids are gathered easily. If not, then any months of the year during weekends would do. "Blog, blog, blog!" The sound of an endless pounding. One must pound those woods before peeling them off. It would be easier.

"Ouch!" one would groan. But tough boys can stand the pain in silence, bleeding. 

"Ouch!" some would complain with gnashed teeth. They have sore hands after peeling a huge file.

Who would not have anyway? 

It was a hard labor after all. Yet it didn't make a lot of money. I have scars all over me. And so the others.

I hated this lifestyle. I'd rather stay home and do all the house chores. As always I'd choose tidying the house or fill the jars with waters or look for fire woods or clean our surrounding or cooking the whole week over this task. But my father was so persistent enough to drag my feet to work. I wish I wasn't around. That's when I became disobedient to him. I always had to defy him when it comes to doing this responsibility. Every time I saw a caravan coming loaded with bakhawan and langaray, it would turn my world upside-down. 

What a bad day!

Well, we owned the lumberyard. And I really didn't like my father's idea of a forced labor. Treating me and my brother as his servants was my greatest disappointment. We were too young to bear that job. And so I ran away.

I thought I would be growing up stuck in this pace. I always had the feeling of not being able to wait and just fly away and live my own. Sorry to say, it was one of the many reasons of a broken relationship with my father. I defied because I had my own dream - not peeling woods forever.

Luckily, we didn't keep this business for eternity. Whatever reason behind, I'd like to keep it myself unstirred. Let's keep it simple - maybe we aren't really destined to live this life for ages. I'll side with destiny.

Probably my neighbors or my childhood friends would not give their hearts for this. And I understand them for not agreeing. We may be sharing the same stories, but I do believe that each memory differs to everyone. And each response also varies on how one perceives life. But as I said, its only the other side -the bad one.

When a childhood friend mentioned one good thing about it, I was actually rebuked. In a wink of an eye, he became an instrument to teach me a lesson. And that golden lesson is - no matter how terrible past we had, we can still pick some good things about life. And I did - they were just overshadowed by awful ones for many years because of my unwillingness to admit.

Now I can tell the good side.

As far as I can remember, peeling bakhawan and langaray wasn't always fun without funny jokes told. Each one prepared one or two to share no matter how funny or corny it was. But then everybody was a captive listener ended up still bursting in laughter. That's where my collection of jokes taken from. It was a tiring labor indeed, but jokes helped soothe our tired bodies and sore hands. It's so wonderful to reminisce back those innocent laughter we all had.

Can you still hear it loud and clear? I do!

Of course, retelling a movie story was also inseparable. It was for the benefit of those who could not afford to watch. But our story teller was really good and so we enjoyed listening to the story. It was like seeing it for real. I think that's where I developed a story telling outside school.

Thanks to this life-experience!

Whenever we played antulihaw, these filed woods of bakhawan or langaray became our hiding places. Good for those who could not run - they had these woods a way to hide. It can protect them from those its for awhile.
My father built a huge bodega made of bakhawan and langaray- basically to store those woods. That's when no more single wood to peel. And so we gathered in during siestas to play tug; sometimes we played hide and seek. We just took advantage of time because soon it will never be the same again - when new school year starts. I think that's where we also developed our climbing skill and crafted our bogging.

We had fun!

That's also when we developed a friendship, and so started treasuring friends more than just neighbors.

I almost forgot how this bakhawan and langaray memories gave each kid excitements in fact. Again when a peeling stage was over, the ground then will be filled with the wood's peels. This softened the ground and it was great for kids to play around. We did all sort of crazy games not hurt. Thanks to the peels - it felt like having cushions around. That's how confident we were even if doing daring things. We had the softness of the ground now to enjoy.

To my mind, I thought this one will only be untold story. Thanks again to a friend (Boyet) who has awakened me from this. Your idea is so brilliant!I wish I could tell more but that's all I got.

I hope you enjoy reading!

BECAUSE ONE HAS IT

Singing and dancing were taboos at home. We didn’t really talk about these around the table. Anything that doesn’t bring food on the table is pointless. And so I grew up suppressing things I was good at. It wasn’t a priority to put care about.

Thanks to individuals who affirmed these gifts. I listened to them. If not for these caring people, I’d hide these gifts in a box forever. Then I would never have a chance to bless people with these God-given talents. 

I fought the good fight. I proved them wrong. But the most difficult part in making a decision which concerns an immediate family and relatives. They were my monsters themselves. 

Are you surprised to know? 

Fortunate enough I had people of good intention around who affirmed what I should do. I owe them this one!

The situation I was years ago taught me precious lessons in the end. I’ve come to know that I can actually be an instrument to encourage those who are in the same boat. I also want to help kids and youth achieve their dreams (in big and in small ways). It is one of my commitments for life.

Yes! I am aware hundred percent that I am not the only one in this situation. It would be a pleasure then to feature a teenager that is close to my heart. She is one of the kids I take care at the center.

This girl has been here for almost a year. My bad, I haven’t even noticed her gift (aside from her singing voice) until one told me. 

Wow! She can really design elegant gowns. 

That’s no question why she is so fashionable and expressive. I consider these characters as her strengths. In a world of fashion I think one must possess these attitudes to be able to capture clients or the fashionistas themselves. Just my assumption though.

It’s sad! She could not even finish high school – no not yet. But I am doing my best pushing her back to finish twelfth grade. 

It’s a different thing. It would be easier then to pursue her dream becoming a fashion designer.

Although her decision to stay at the center is no waste of time but I still want her to finish high school. She may learn a lot of stuff at the center that any public schools could not give, but it would be awesome to have both.

One day she told me about her aspiration. And so I encouraged her to keep doing what she is good at. Then she has to prioritize school if she wants a scholarship. On the one hand, she also must know that any scholarship is very competitive. And it takes hard work. I just hope she understands all these.

For now, I am giving all the help I can. I want to be at her side as an encourager affirming her special talent. I also promised to support her in whatever ways to hone her gift. It is for her and for her future. She just needed more hard knocks so she’ll stay focus in fulfilling that dream. 

She is careless at times - not taking care of every finished piece she designed. And so I provided her a pink folder to store her stuff temporarily. They are good works. Soon if I have some money, I will buy her the things she needed for this. That is part of pruning and affirming someone. You have to direct or even redirect one’s path to fully learn chase her dreams.

One day, I showed her my labor (a piece of design) basically to challenge her. It wasn’t that good for it’s not my forte. But that was to encourage and motivate the girl to work BIG. So glad she took that challenge. Since then I have seen one beautiful design after another.

I was amazed!

My wish for her is to become one of the great fashion designers in Cambodia.

And because one has it, and so it is worth affirming!

FROM MOTHERS WITH LOVE

This isn’t about Mother’s Day but it’s about mothers that I know of. In fact, there are three or four recognized holidays still to commemorate before this particular one. Let me consider this a privilege to thank few mothers for their charity.

One thing I’ve learned from many mothers is sacrifice. They have such tons of this in their hearts. And so every mother possesses this quality is virtuous. It’s sad though because I was growing up having no mother around. 

Surrogate mothers (of the kids) have been part in my ministry for years. They always took over a responsibility I could not do well. Thank God for their lives. Well, because I am a father. And so I have a different ways of parenting. Mothers should get this credit.

When I started embracing parenthood at the center, it was the greatest challenge in the entire world. Thanks to mothers like them who shared a responsibility with me without reluctance. Taking care and reaching out kids not our own is indeed another story. But then mothers have something wonderful to share – their love and sacrifice without a doubt.

I am learning!

As a matter of fact, these mothers worry more than I do about the kids’ well being. They see to it that each kid at the center is in good hands. I think that’s the very essence of a mother.  

“Is she still at the center? Is he studying well? When is his/her payment due? Why they aren’t communicating?” Their endless question whenever I pay these mothers a visit for reporting and updates. Thanks for treating these kids like their own children. 

You guys have my endless salute!

I want to give each kid the best clothes but I have limitations. 

One – I could not buy everyone with the little money I receive monthly. 

Two – I have girls around and that mothers are in the right perspective to clothe them. 

Then again mothers are always in the rescue - with so much love for the kids to meet these needs.

I hope these kids will always remember the love and sacrifices of these mothers.

I pray that these mothers will continue to bless more kids as well. 

With a thankful heart I come recognizing every effort big and small. 

And so with gratefulness I come to affirm that all these goodness and kindness are from mothers with love.

Thank you mothers!

WHEN LIFE SURPRISED ME

I only had one dream growing up – to finish Journalism at the University. Amidst difficulty life brought, I’ve done my hardest not letting this dream die. Proud! It was I thought the beginning of a career, but unexpected things came along the way. Let’s say the start of the many opportunities great and small; and so where surprises never end.

This is what I also told my students, friends, and colleagues to start my speech on my doctoral conferment days ago. I didn’t actually need a highly intellectual message to bring. A simple one was enough for everyone to understand.

 I hope they get it!

When I thought one degree was enough, it didn’t happen as predicted. Then I was blessed with another degree which gave me further training in leadership and designing programs for young people. Those years were also rediscovering gifts and seeking directions in the future. 

And I am always thankful for all these blessings and the many surprises.

I told this story countless times. But I also told my hearers to stay awake while dreaming. For sure they comprehend the meaning of being industrious. As a matter of fact, life is full of good things. Just do our best and God will honor that labor. 

Not even I had thought would come this far. Receiving another doctoral degree is a wonderful gift. And this is an important event beyond imagination. I feel honored and privileged. Looking back to where I started a life, it’s kind of unbelievable still. Pursuing even a simple education was a struggle. But see, I have ventured a lot academically. Not to mention having those dream monsters around. But then one must learn how to fight. One must be opened for opportunities with no limits.

I told them this to end my speech.

Imagine yourself receiving a bunch of unexpected gifts. This is what I want to say. And as each gift is unveiled, you always find yourself in awe and in endless jaw-dropping. Little by little we all learn to grasp that life is much better than we simply thought. 

SURPRISE!

And I ended up somewhere beautiful.

That’s when life surprised me.

CAPTURED MEMORIES IN HUMAN WAYS

Boredom was killing me. You do know how it feels. And so I suggested doing something different – a once-in-every-season stuff. 

We went to another familiar village for a “mango invasion”. And so to have some coconut-refreshments. We had to harvest few fruit to bring home for salad and dessert. Without the boys this time because they had to cook dinner for us.

And so we hit the road with an old canon camera with me - to keep simple sakes hopefully. As I was about to click one photo shoot, that’s when I realized it didn’t have the cartridge in it. We were already halfway through our destination. A U-turn means money. I don’t think we can afford another ride. 

Regretful it may seem, but we all learned to deal with it. Then we went on with our journey even without each moment captured literally.

Life at times is bittersweet. We just have to learn let go of some expectations or high hopes. And life doesn’t always bring the best we expected. At least we have learned to decide one thing over another. Like a feather, we have learned to be flexible. 

We did! 

Unfortunately, I missed out a lot of amazing photo shoots along the way – those big smiles displaying happiness; each joyful moment with kids in tuktuk rides; and those awkward faces denoting freedom. All I had to do was regret. And then I had to learn another important lesson there.

Each memory seemingly non-captured but not in our hearts. It was too happy to forget that day. Although technology didn’t make a way to preserve every single treasure, but our minds did. And it is going to be a lasting remembrance! One day we are going to talk about it over and over again.

And so we left home with a big bottle of cola one carried - to quench their thirst basically. I passed. But I still hoped that day a camera would make any difference. I wish you all have seen how a cola brought us closer together. There were teases in the air left some annoyed, but it was part of their teen life. Oh, and also endless laughter that soothed my stressful soul. But what impressed me the most was their servant attitude serving each one a glass of drink.

Again, no single moment was captured by a canon camera - but our hearts did. It was the best way that even any sophisticated technologies couldn’t delete. 

It stuck in us forever.

 

And so we waited for a ride bringing a blue plastic container with us – to store some fruit obviously. And when we got there, we were surrounded with mango trees in few kinds. We started climbing, picking, storing, and eating the fruit of the day. That was my favorite part. 

Again, I wish I had each action captured to post on Facebook. But I could not. All I had to do was look at them regretting (not having them around but having each moment passed away not captured). But then I tried to store each memory in colors vividly – in my heart and mind. That was the best way to do at that time. And the best decision in fact.

When a technology could not capture any memories back, we could.

And when we arrived home, I took some photos of fruit we brought home. This would somehow helps remember memories back.