WEIRD SOLITUDE

Now in my utmost solitude, yet it's not the kind of  isolation my human urge anticipates - annoyed by endless drops of rain bringing nothing but laziness - thanks to hot coffee for such a company.

It isn't something this extrovert looks forward to - not with this awkward silence - when howling wind persistently echoes through my ears - bringing nothing but irritation; unwanted coldness; and sickness from this terrible season - thanks to the water of life for keeping me healthy.

Should I call it a "rest" then?

Not that I am aware of. And still, trying to take advantage of this moment amidst the bizarreness it brings - dreading it drearily. Sorry, I don't fancy rain or winter.

I woke up this morning in the absence of everyday noises and daily routines. Undeniably hearing a different sound from what I used to hear at the center.

There's not even a single clank of washed plates or the sweeping sound of a broom stick or the audible splash of spilled water from the bucket or the predictable pealing of  a bell or a bark of a dog or meow of a cat or crow of a rooster or a hint of a smoke at the kitchen or simply the sweet voice of a kid saying good morning and goodnight.

So strange of me, but the stillness alone in my room is killing me. Wish I had a remote control to pump-up the volume a bit, which nature doesn't have. Don't know how long this going to be, but can't wait to get out of this weird solitude.

Sooo weird!

As usual, got a cup of coffee in my hand to complete the day, but something seems missing. It's not the taste for sure - it's but the laughter around the table in the presence of every drinker - gathered round in the name of family - and where endless sip of this hot drink is accompanied with endless joy and childishness.

I was planning to go out for lunch somewhere to indulge some yummy fried chicken, my favorite food. For many times, been really craving for it but just didn't have time to visit this famous fast food chain. Now, my eyes were bigger than my watery mouth in delight, can't wait to devour some. But I didn't - it would only tastes funny.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked myself.

Then I am reminded of the kids back at the center eating the same cuisine every single day. And here I am having a break from that lifestyle.

Yesterday, was a sent off dinner - a simple get together prepared for me - only few were invited by the host. As everyone was enjoying the cuisine, I kept thinking about those who were not around. 

Am I guilty?

No, I am not. But it could have been better or joyful or tasteful having these kids around enjoying the meal. 

I know this is so funny, but soon I'll get over this. Think I'm just adjusting temporarily for this new direction. I can't blame my self for feeling this way.

I need a company.

I am not a loner.

The soul within me is saying that I'm not actually a home buddy, but I do need some rest even to its weirdness. I finally came to my senses that not every person in the world can easily access solitude. It takes a while or a long while.

Thank God for this wonderful gift of time where I can rest physically and hopefully from emotional stresses caused by too much work and demands. I must enjoy this opportunity amidst a situation I call "weird solitude".