It Is Not The End Of The Road Yet

“When God closes the door, He opens the window.” 

It isn’t easier to absorb than I thought would. It is because I’m facing one big rejection at the moment–not knowing how long this feeling lasts. Let’s say a thirty-year-old dream I’ve been looking forward to happen till my interview yesterday. I wasn’t granted a US visa and I was rejected big time. 

For sure, the author of this famous quote which evolves within the Christian realm had his major rejections too–worse than I had without a doubt–a rejection from his own blood and flesh–his family. And so it is not about questioning the relevance or the necessity of the verse itself, but it is how I am facing my emotions this time.

Honestly, it’s like the end of the road. “It is not even worth reapplying.” my instinct keeps telling me. I just hope whoever have reviewed my application understand my intention. I never had a plan to live in America–it is not my world–my life is in Asia–I know it by heart. I just wanted to attend the conference where I am invited to volunteer. That’s all! 

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the policy even if I wasn’t given any explanations for such a big NO. They haven’t even asked or checked my documents to see how legit they really were. It was just a no. That’s the hurting part. 

I do understand that they are just doing their job, but I’ll insist my mind still–they read me wrong and grasped not my personal purpose well. I respect the decision they made, but I just can’t deny how regretful I am.

Am I bitter? Yes, I am. Not to mention the hassles, expenses, and efforts of my friends and I behind this desire to attend the conference, it is really very upsetting. I don’t think I can fake my emotion and tell people I’m OK. It’s not me.

My chance is over and the wound is still here, but it is not the end of the road yet. I want to move on. If I have lived my 42 years of existence happy and contended without America–I can live for another 42 years or more without it. This opportunity is not for me sad to say. 

Maybe this is not how my destiny would like me to write the last pages of my journey for this year which I’ve envisioned it to be–a white Christmas with angels–it must be something else perhaps. Let us see what these remaining months have for me. 

Do I have to blog this? I think so! This is to remind me that it is not the end of the road yet –no, not yet. Soon this feeling of rejection will be gone, but I want to face it for now.